some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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