I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
