goodnight i made you a song goodbye
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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