I just threw up on my dentist
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
