Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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