I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
