the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
accomplished twins. life is a go
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
