Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
