Pants 0. Shit 1.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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