he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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