Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
