I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
