im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
