I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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