I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
