Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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