She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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