I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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