His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
