I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
