apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
time to smoke my breakfast
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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