all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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