The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
