so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
