God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
