3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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