it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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