You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
ttyl tear gas
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
