Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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