She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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