p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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