I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
