this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You took a bar mat shot.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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