Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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