ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
