The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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