just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
