I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
