Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
