I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
