Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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