I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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