I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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