i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My penis needs a shock collar
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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