I smell stomach acid.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
