I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
