honey bunches of taint.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
