tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
