You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
