she looked like the before picture.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
