I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
