Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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