I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
