But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
