and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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