Porn is love you can see.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
