I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
then he tried to convert me to islam
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
