just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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