no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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