mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
