hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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