Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
