I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize