he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
