and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
