hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
