Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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