I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
