I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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