I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
