i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
