Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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