Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
